I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
