the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I don't deserve a penis
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
