Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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