I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
