4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Randomize
