You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
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