i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
