I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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