Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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