There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
