White coat. Heels.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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