So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
