when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
