You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
