i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
