She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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