can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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