At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
