We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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