you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
