just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
