i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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