he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
