i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
