so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
All I want is dick and wine.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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