Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
The cops high fived after they tackled you
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
