AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
