i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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