I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
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