can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
