a queef is a wish your heart makes.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
