My underwear smells like fireworks.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
