so explain again why im purple
no
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
