I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
