You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
