you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
