Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
