if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
