Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
