oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
