Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
