so explain again why im purple
no
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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