Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
