just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
you traded sex for a burrito?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
