there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
