You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
