Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
