Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Just took my morning after pill in the library
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Pants are for mortals
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
