I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
