You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
how does that bad decision feel?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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