you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
